Inner Child Cure

Healing Your Inner Child

inner child healing

What Black Moon Lilith conjunct Venus and Moon meant in my relationship

by Reageer

I believe in healing through relationships as well as through astrology. 

My marriage brought a lot of my wounding to light. 

I wasn’t into astrology back then. That happened after my divorce. And although I’m not familiar with my ex-husband’s birth time, I still learned a lot from our synastry chart.

One of the synastry points that blows my mind because it accurately describes our relationship is his Black Moon Lilith conjunct my Venus. And my Black Moon Lilith conjunct his Moon. If you are familiar with synastry astrology, you know these connections are a disaster waiting to happen. So, let’s explore what it meant in my relationship and what it means for inner child healing.

What is Black Moon Lilith?

In mythology, Lilith was Adam’s (you know, from Adam and Eve) first wife and was cast out of heaven because she didn’t submit to Adam. Unlike Eve, who was made from Adam’s rib, Lilith was created from the Earth as Adam was—suggesting that Lilith was Adam’s equal. Lilith came to have a negative image. Probably serving as an example of how women, according to religion, shouldn’t behave and what will happen to them if they don’t submit. 

Black Moon Lilith isn’t a planet or asteroid in astrology but a mathematical point. Black Moon Lilith stands for the rebellious, the taboo, and the free-spirited side of you. It also represents your deepest, darkest desires, repressed emotions, and other hidden aspects of the Self. In short, this is your shadow side.

Venus and the Moon

While Venus represents how you love and want to be loved, the moon is your inner life. The moon is about your emotions and shows you what you need to feel safe. These planets represent the more tender and delicate parts of your birth chart.

Only people that are close to you will see your Moon side. And your Venus side shows up in your relationships (although Venus is also about money). When these personal planets touch Black Moon Lilith in synastry, it will bring emotional and relational wounding to light.

When Black Moon Lilith touches Venus

So, here we are—the most painful part of my marriage. I almost don’t want to share this. It’s so personal and hurtful still. But I’m sharing because I heal through self-expression. 

In my marriage, I was Venus, and he was BML. 

Before I met my ex-husband, I had difficulties getting past the 3-month mark in dating. And what I do in life when things don’t seem to be going well is change myself. So, I contemplated whether I wasn’t giving the guys I was dating a fair chance. Maybe I was too quick to dismiss them whenever I felt they weren’t showing me enough consistency or adoration. I don’t know what I was looking for. It was probably perfection since I’m a Virgo moon.

So, when I met my ex-husband, I decided to be a little more forgiving. To try to express what I was feeling more. And that’s what I did. Through all my fear and anxiety, I stayed. And I became very attached to him. However he treated me, I just couldn’t leave him. I was literally scared to go. 

In a relationship where BML and Venus interact, BML tries to keep their independence while Venus wants closerness. Typical anxious-avoidant dance. And that’s precisely what happened in my relationship. He was gone so much that I felt neglected. It triggered my ‘not good enough’ wound. There was never an equal give and take in our relationship. Fuelled by my unconscious belief that to be loved, I needed to work hard, I was constantly giving more than what I got back in return. Yet, I could not leave. 

In the end, I did leave. It was after I got therapy. And after I realized that I’d never be able to trust him. Which was making me crazy and paranoid.

When the Moon gets involved with Black Moon Lilith

I was Black Moon Lilith, and he was the Moon. There’s no way for me to know his experience with this synastry aspect. I can only tell the story from my point of view. 

BML triggers the emotional wounds of the Moon. I don’t know if I did that. Because, as an avoidant, he wouldn’t show any of it. Even though the Moon is attracted to BML, it can feel scared or unsafe. While BML touching Venus is mostly a painful experience for Venus, BML in contact with the Moon can be painful for both. It can bring out negative, hidden emotions from both partners.

This synastry point can raise mommy issues since the Moon also represents the mother in astrology. And I did find myself to take on a motherly role in our relationship. I don’t know if I am anything like his mom, as she passed away before I knew him. But this synastry point can make the Moon person relive the trauma they had with their mother.

This aspect indicates a lot of emotional turmoil. And I definitely experienced that. Again, I don’t know if he did as well. 

Healing after a Black Moon Lilith/Venus/Moon relationship

Like I said, I believe in healing through relationships and astrology. What my marriage and divorce made me highly aware of is my wound around feeling that I’m not good enough. 

Thanks to this awareness, I could do the inner child work needed to heal this wound. I’ve come a long way. 

Yesterday, somebody asked me if I have any regrets about the decisions I’ve made in my life. And sure, I would rather have been in a marriage that lasted. But when you learn from every experience in your life, there’s nothing to be regretful about. Because those experiences taught you and helped you grow into who you are today. And that’s what matters. Time only passes; it’s not lost.

You are not a simp for respecting another humanbeing

by Reageer

Some random alpha guy trying hard not to be a simp

Let’s talk about simps, shall we? Because who likes a simp? Seriously, they’re getting so much hate all over socials and the Net.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, a simp is a silly or foolish person. According to Wikipedia simp is internet slang for “someone who shows excessive sympathy and attention toward another person, typically someone who does not reciprocate the same feelings, in pursuit of affection or a sexual relationship.”

Dictionary.com says: “Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”

According to me (authority, guru, and expert in humanness-not trying to be humble here), simping holds a close relation to anxious attachments and the anxious-avoidant dance. It’s typical behavior for anxiously attached individuals not to have boundaries or a clear sense of self.

I am not completely done with my fieldwork (after all, I am an anthropologist) on the manosphere and red pill community and everything they believe to be true. But from my initial observations, I’ve concluded that it’s full of former simps. Or, I don’t know, recovering simps.

Who needs respect more?

It always amazes me when I hear someone say that in relationships, women need love, and men need respect. Because, to me, respect is an inherent part of love. You don’t respect me? That must mean that you don’t love me either. 

But also, what respect means is different for everyone. So, if you feel disrespected, you need to speak up. Tell your partner: “It’s important to me to feel respected by you. If you do this, that makes me feel disrespected.” If you have a partner who’s healthy and who loves you, they will do their best to change their behavior. 

If you have an unhealed partner, or they don’t love you like that. They will keep doing the thing that makes you feel disrespected.

How to set a boundary and enforce it

And this is where boundaries become essential. Speaking up is letting them know that this is your boundary. You won’t tolerate being spoken to or treated in a certain way. And you better be willing to enforce your limit. So, ask yourself: Is this a deal breaker for me? If it is, you know you must leave if the behavior continues. That might mean leaving the relationship. Or it means removing yourself from the situation. 

For example, you’re at a group gathering with your partner. And your partner does something that you feel is disrespectful. You let it slide the first time, but you will tell them afterward: “It’s important to me to feel respected by you. If you tell people about what you don’t like about me, that makes me feel disrespected. Please don’t do that again. Otherwise, I will immediately leave the gathering next time.”

So, next time, the same thing happens. You pull your partner aside and calmly say: “When you tell our friends X, that makes me feel disrespected. Last time, I asked you not to do that again. I am going home now.” 

See, another person will only respect you as much as you respect yourself, especially when dealing with unhealthy people. Most healthy people will give you basic respect. But let’s talk about what it means when you don’t respect yourself.

What simping really is

We all dream of that one person who’s willing to do anything for us, right? Or is that just me?

But when we meet that person who will do everything, including give up their boundaries and self, it’s just a major turn-off. Yes, we want someone who will show us their love that way, but we don’t want to feel like we can walk all over them. 

We want someone caring AND strong. (Or, again, is that just me?).

If your partner is a push-over to you. If your partner neglects their boundaries for you. If your partner abandons themself for you, you start to think they would do that for anyone. You don’t want them to be a pushover because it doesn’t make you feel safe. It won’t make you feel like they will protect you against others. 

And that’s where I think people get “simping” wrong. Respecting a woman doesn’t make you a simp. Appreciating a woman does not make you a simp. Loving a woman doesn’t make you a simp, either. Even being kind and doing sweet things for a woman isn’t simping. Neither is being vulnerable.

Neglecting your boundaries and abandoning yourself for a woman makes you a simp. 

But… women don’t like nice guys.

Yeah, nice guy behavior is what makes you a simp. And what I mean by nice guy behavior is neglecting your boundaries and abandoning yourself for someone else. We find the same energy in pick-me women. It’s just a major turn-off. Learn to have an opinion. Learn to be authentic. Learn what it is you like and don’t like in life. Instead of shape-shifting into being someone you think your crush likes.

And I’m talking to myself here. Because I, too, am someone who gives up every boundary, every bit of myself and my own life to make a man love me. To feel seen and loved. You’re too busy to see me? Okay, let me cancel all my plans and sit around and wait for you until you have some time to spend with me. At least my schedule won’t be in the way if I give up everything I have going on. Right?

But is that really what I want? Of course not. I also want a man to make an effort for me. But when I find someone who’s not making an effort and making me feel like I’m not good enough, it’s like I want to prove that, in fact, I am good enough for him. It’s that little girl inside of me who didn’t feel seen or worthy and is now asking for a random, emotionally unavailable guy to give me his stamp of approval. 

“Here, take this sticker as evidence that you are good enough!”

The thing is, with my behavior, I’m probably turning him off. And, if he’s a good guy, he will just leave me alone and not take advantage of me. However, if he’s an opportunist, he will take every bit of energy from me until I don’t have anything left. 

Realizing this dynamic also made me understand that I turn him down when a guy shows genuine interest and tries to see me. Not because he’s simping or because I like bad guys. It’s because I get scared as fuck when someone actually likes me. Because people aren’t actually supposed to like me. They’re supposed to make me feel invisible.

That’s what I know and what I’m used to. Love is supposed to be earned, right? At least, that’s what my inner child thinks. 

Healing your inner child through dating

So, I’m now super woke to my feelings when I’m dating. What am I feeling? Why am I scared? Why am I trying to accommodate a man beyond reasonableness? And then I just close in on those feelings. Really try to feel it.

And I talk to myself.

I tell my inner child that it’s okay, that she is good enough. That everyone isn’t for us and that it’s okay. That it has nothing to do with my value and that it has everything to do with compatibility. I am not going for the highly avoidant anymore. I hope to find a securely attached man or a lightly avoidant one. But I must continue to do the inner work to accept that love doesn’t have to mean I need to work my ass off for it and give up who I am.

Healing your inner child from body dysmorphia

by Reageer

Ballet shoes
Healing your inner child from body dysmorphia

My oldest memory of feeling fat was in ballet class when I was 5 years old.

Those who know me know that the bare fact that I remember this must mean that it’s a profound memory. I don’t remember most things from my childhood.

Anyway, I was on the Barre, wearing a ballet suit. My best friend of the time was a tall, blonde, and very thin girl. As were most of the girls in class. And I distinguishably remember feeling so out of place. I was short, with round legs, a round belly, and dark, curly hair.

I don’t remember if I was any good at ballet. It wasn’t my idea to take those classes. It was my mom’s, and I hated it. The teacher was also kind of mean to me. I guess I wasn’t a serious student, either. Maybe I annoyed the teacher by being too playful.

This early memory is the first time I felt shame for my body. And that feeling intensified throughout my life.

Healing your inner child through self-compassion

I’d like to tell 5-year-old me: I know that you feel ashamed of yourself and that it makes you feel sad. It’s hard to feel that way. Just know that other girls also feel that way sometimes. Just because you’re different from other girls doesn’t mean you’re less than them. You’re perfect the way you are, and I love you.

I don’t know where that feeling came from. I don’t remember if anyone said something to me about looking different. I also wasn’t fat at the time. So, I don’t think anybody told me I was. It doesn’t matter where it came from as long as I acknowledge that it was there. Emotions and feelings aren’t bad. But they need to be dealt with. Even if it’s +30 years after the fact. We can still heal ourselves by being self-compassionate.

Using Astrological Transits for Healing

I don’t know why this memory came up now. Maybe it’s the Venus retrograde in Leo. Retrogrades are about rethinking, re-evaluating, and re-examining the past. Venus is about beauty. Leo is about the inner child and also about self-love. And Leo sits in my twelfth house of the subconscious. So, it seems fitting.